A Life Lesson from Grandpa Anderson

This is my grandpa, Reed Anderson.

I've written about him before. He's one of the best men I've ever known, and in a lot of ways I try to model my life after the way he lived. If he were still alive he'd be 100 years old today.

I'm kind of a sentimental person, and I often get caught up in nostalgic day-dreamings. Today was no different. As I was walking across campus to teach my technical writing class, I got to thinking about Grandpa and some of my most memorable, well, memories of him. Had we but the world enough and time I'd write about them at some length. Unfortunately there's grading to be done and a dissertation to write and promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep, and so on.

But I want to briefly recount a short anecdote about Grandpa that has had an indelible impact on my life. In fact, it's not even really an anecdote, but rather something that Grandma said about him on the night we celebrated their 50 year anniversary in 1996. I mention the year to highlight that I was only 10 years old at the time. I think I can honestly say that this was one of the most impactful nights of my life because of what Grandma said.

But first a few pictures of Grandma and Grandpa from around the time of their wedding (thanks to Family Search):

Engagement photo (Grandpa was in the Navy in WWII)

Wedding - June 1946

Honeymoon

That night, after holding a reception for friends and family to celebrate their 50 years of marriage, both Grandma and Grandpa took some time to say a few words reminiscing about their life together. I don't remember what Grandpa said, or much of anything else Grandma said beyond one sentence. I may be paraphrasing a little (I was only 10 at the time after all), but as I remember it, Grandma said:

"In 50 years of marriage Reed has never once said a cross word to me."

I was floored. As a ten year old kid with 3 older sisters, I couldn't go a day without saying several cross things to several people. But to go 50 years? Incredible.

That night I decided that I wanted to be like Grandpa. I wanted to try and not be cross with/at people. I wish I could say that in the ensuing 20+ years I've followed his example to a T. I haven't. I get cross. I get frustrated and annoyed, and sometimes I speak and act out of the frustration and annoyance in ways that are, well, cross.

That said, I've come to realize that Grandpa probably got frustrated and annoyed too. But Grandma didn't say he never got frustrated or annoyed, she said he never said a cross word. The difference between getting cross and not saying a cross word may be subtle, but to me it's one of the most important things we're here on the earth to learn. The difference is in whether we act on the frustration and annoyance we feel, or if we choose to love people and give them the benefit of the doubt. And that approach to life -- acting out of charity, rather than frustration -- is something I feel like Grandpa had pretty well figured out. And, frankly, it's something the world could use a lot more of.

Grandpa wrote a little poem that I feel encapsulates this idea, and the way he chose to live his life. Maybe it can serve as a nice reminder for all of us, today on the 100th anniversary of this great man's life, especially in this world that I think we all wish were a little bit better.

“A Better World” Do you wish the world were better? Let me tell you what to do: Set a watch upon your actions, Keep them always straight and true; Rid your mind of selfish motives, Let your thoughts be clean and high; You can make a little Eden Of the sphere you occupy -Reed W. Anderson