Thursday, February 25, 2016

On Dreams and Bears and Madeline Kahn

You know how they say that when you write down your dreams then you start remembering them more. Well, I've been doing that, and it all paid off last night, because here I am, wide awake on a Thursday morning reliving what was definitely one of my top five best dreams of all time. Right up there with the time when I was a little kid and had a dream where I was in a cartoon and had a talking raccoon best friend. (I had a talking raccoon best friend way before Guardians of the Galaxy made it cool.)

So, my dream.

I was in the Great Bear Rainforest looking for bears with some other bear-loving types and we hadn't been having any luck at all and we were getting a bit discouraged. But we continued on and after some more hiking around we came upon an open meadow that was filled with bears. And by that I mean there were 3 bears. A black bear and two polar bears. At this point I started getting really excited because, I mean, bears.

* quick side note. I know that polar bears don't live in the Great Bear Rainforest. But it was a dream so, just, just... okay? *

As we crouched in the greenery watching the scene, I realized that the bears were acting funny. And by acting funny I mean the polar bears were actually mugging the black bear. (What that means exactly, I don't know. But in the dream I was positive that I was witnessing a mugging.) I felt a keen sense of injustice about the whole thing, but I didn't do anything about it. What could I do? I mean, sure, nobody likes a bully, but when the bullies are polar bears I figure you just gotta get out of their way and let them do their thing. Have you seen how big polar bears are? Plus there are pictures like this of them all over the internet.

Yeah. So that red stuff on their faces? That's not snausages. So if some bloody-mawed polar bear wants to rough up a black bear, sure I'll feel bad about it, but I ain't getting involved. 

Well, it turns out I wasn't the only one who could see what was going on. As I made my gutless decision, a member of our party stepped out of the bushes and started yelling at the polar bears to leave the poor little black bear alone. And who was that protector of innocent?

Yep. Madeline Kahn. 

Giving no thought to her own safety, she stormed into that glade ready to show those polar bears what was up. When she got close enough, she yelled and scolded and shamed the polar bears, providing enough distraction that the black bear was able to run off and climb a tree. At this point one of the polar bears got angry and started yelling at Ms. Kahn, telling her how she was ruining everything and how she was gonna pay for this. As tensions rose I finally found my gumption, I stepped out to try and get everyone to calm down. My sudden presence only caused the yell-y polar bear to grab Madeline Kahn in a classic "don't move or I shoot the woman" move. With the situation having escalated beyond petty larceny, the other polar bear clearly wanted no part in this whole fiasco and kept telling his buddy to just let it (the situation) and her (Madeline Kahn) go. All the while Madeline Kahn was screaming and carrying on about propriety and how they were trying to molest her and what not. 

Unfortunately this was when I woke up, so I never got to see what happened. But I like to think that Madeline Kahn talked her way out of the situation (no thanks to me), gave the bears a good scolding, and that after the whole thing was over she and I went and got some lunch and became best friends.