Tuesday, July 3, 2012

On Disney Princess SpaghettiOs and Being a Cheap Food Foodie

Yesterday I posted a status on Facebook about how Disney Princess SpaghettiOs are better than regular type. I think there was a little bit of misunderstanding as to my intentions, so let me explain.

First of all, so that we're all on the same page, here is a picture of the SpaghettiOs in question:

I'm sure that many people read my status and thought that I was trying to be cute or hipster-ironic. You know, because a self-respecting 25/26in20days year old man can't genuinely like princess SpaghettiOs unless it's some kind of a joke, right? I completely understand the confusion here because this kind of ironic humor is an aspect of hipster culture that I readily participate in. I definitely don't consider myself cool enough to be a hipster, but some of my tastes intersect with that world and I'm comfortable with that.

That said, I can unequivocally put to rest the idea that I was trying to be funny; what I said about Disney Princess SpaghettiOs had nothing to do with irony or pop culture or hipster humor at all. Incidentally it also had nothing to do with the cultural subjugation of women, though it would seem that many of my grad school friends have but that one lens through which to see the world and feel the need to point out and rail against anything that gets their uber feminist hackles up. Seriously guys, it gets old.

Anyway, when I said, "Disney Princess spaghetti-ohs [sic] are way better than regular," what I  meant to say was that as a food item and in terms of quality and taste, they are much, much better than the regular O's. Allow me to explain.

See, I see myself as kind of a foodie when it comes to incredibly cheap, packaged, processed and heavily industrialized foods. I know the best frozen burritos, I can whip up a mean pot of boxed mac and cheese, I consider corn dogs and ramen to be basic food groups, and I have a special knowledge of anything "spaghetti-related." Now I put the last item on that list in quotation marks because I realize many people wouldn't consider the spaghetti that I eat to be actual spaghetti. More often than not it's nothing more than noodles with butter on them, but that "nothing more" is fantastically delicious and if you haven't indulged in such a meal since you were a child I'd encourage you to do so. Along with my expansive knowledge of spaghetti comes a thorough understanding of the intricacies of spaghettiOs and other canned spaghettis.

Here is where I have to admit that I'm not a fan of canned spaghetti in general. I love the idea with every fiber of my clothing. I mean, I love spaghetti, so what could be better than easy access and rapidly available-to-eat spaghetti in a can? Well, I'll tell you what could be better, easy access and rapidly available-to-eat spaghetti in a can that is actually edible. I know, I know, I just claimed to be a cheap food foodie, but even I have a hard time downing canned spaghetti. Regular SpaghettiOs are an exception to my anti-canned spaghetti rule, and I usually enjoy them quite a bit, but even with SpaghettiOs the sauce to noodle ratio is too imbalanced on the side of the sauce. So when I get to the last few spoonfuls that are especially saucy I usually find myself enjoying the meal less and less and I end up straining off the sauce with my spoon to make for a more palatable food experience. For a long time this has been a frustration of mine. And that's where the Disney Princess SpaghettiOs come in.

As you can see in the above image, Disney Princess SpaghettiOs mix traditional SpaghettiOs with the Disney Princess ones. Now while I have absolutely no idea what allows for those seemingly random shapes to be considered Disney Princesses, that's not what's important here. What's important, as you can see, is that these shapes have a much tighter pattern which doesn't allow the sauce ready access to the full noodle. The result of which being there is a much better noodle to sauce ratio which allows for a much more enjoyable overall SpaghettiOs experience.

The biggest problem I see with Disney Princess SpaghettiOs is the knowledge that they won't last forever. After a few weeks, maybe months, the Campbell Soup people will get sick of paying Disney's licensing fees, and we'll be left with plain old O's once again. But until that time I will continue buying and consuming Disney Princess SpaghettiOs. I will savor every bite of that canned perfection, never knowing which will be my last.


  1. I literally agree with everything in this post. If it weren't you, Samwise, I would be uncomfortable with that feeling.

  2. Sam, have I ever expressed my belief that you are more of a genious than you often give yourself credit for?

  3. I made the mistake of drinking water while reading this and had the very painful experience of laughing water through my nose. It still stings. Thank you very much. But this is a post of sheer brilliance.

  4. Come now Sam, you have to admit that Whitney's Divine Comedy experience + her English major experience = Divine Wit.

    "Tastes like complete submission." LOL. Even the moderate feminist in me laughed. :)

    Although, to concede your point, I will be buying Princess Spaghetti-O's when I go to Wal-Mart today.

  5. I too have had the same problem you mentioned and that is a very scientific observation. Way to go!

  6. I fed my kids SpaghettiOs last week before David and I went on a date. It had been years since I had SpaghettiOs. I made the mistake of taking a bite (quite a saucy one at that) and decided that they taste vaguely reminiscent of vomit. I realize that many people will disagree and I might even offend some with this opinion, but I'm just being honest here--I have a very refined palate (but I'm not generally a picky eater). I'm not sure even the Disney Princess variety can make up for the fact that canned spaghetti is just yucky.
    Still, I appreciate the observation. If there is ever a zombie apocalypse and I have to raid a store for food in order to survive but all that's left is SpaghettiOs, I'll make sure to grab the Disney Princess variety.

    P.S. For the record, my kids loved them.

  7. Sam! I had the same experience! One year, a roommate and I were exceptionally poor and ate mac n' cheese much more often than any human should. We found that the character versions were better for the same exact reason (Sponge Bob was best). We termed these meals "inlets and facets" and when one of us was headed to the grocery store, she was always reminded to not forget the inlets and facets.