It is with great pleasure that I announce the arrival of Spring.
*brief pause as applause and/or blank stares die down
(Do blank stares die down and if so, is a pause really necessary? Ah the great mysteries of life!)
Many of you may laugh and scorn and say, "This loon is off his rocker! It's nearly the middle of May! Spring came a month and a half ago." I, however, don't apologize for my supposed tardiness.
I'm not saying that delinquence in our dealings is acceptable, least of all in our heavily scheduled and organized society. My belated proclamation is so...belated as a result of coolly calculated timing on my part. I have refrained from making such a proclamation as long as the remaining vestiges of the cold depression brought about by the winter season that appears to have finally left Utah (deep breath) have lingered. Just last week it snowed. SNOW!! IN MAY!! But it would appear that we have once again gained favor in the eyes of the Supreme, and, as one of Michael's professors put it, "The icy death grip of winter has loosened." (Michael correct me if I've misquoted)
This much anticipated arrival brings with it great joy to my heart. There have been many short intervals during the past several months in which this balmy weather has peaked its nose out of obscurity and given us a taste for what lay ahead. (Editor's note: The author hates the verb lay and its many convoluted conjugations. If he has misused it here, he would ask that you correct him privately so that he may retain some semblance of pride. However, if dashing the dreams of the starry-eyed aspiring is your cup of tea, feel free to do so publicly .) But these brief occurrences, far from bringing hope, have merely served to dash my spirits when the frozen monster returned to continue his reign of terror. I may exaggerate, but only slightly.
Having spent a good long time in the tropical climate of Ecuador, this intense freezing was quite difficult for me to cope with. But it is gone now. The monster is destroyed, at least for a season.
We may now take out the shorts and t-shirts and bask in the wonderful glory of the sun as it has now returned to us as did the famed Prodigal! Hallelujah!
